Admit that I am wrong? No way.

Since my last post concerned my son, it seems only fair that I share a story about my daughter. Carol and I always tried to be a consistent voice when it came to decisions concerning our children. For example, if one of them asked me if he/she could have permission to do something, I automatically would ask if he/she had asked their mother. If he/she said yes, I would then ask "what did she say?" If he/she said "she said no" then I would rub my chin, sigh deeply, give the look of being in deep thought and would then say "well, I agree with her, I don't think it's a good idea." (they typically would ask if it was OK to appeal to the other parent) If I did have a disagreement with Carol's decision, I might later go talk to her to see if we could come to a consensus. Most times, she would show me why her original decision was the correct one. On a few rare occasions, she would agree with my position. One of us would go back to him/her and say that we had changed our minds and gave permission. But we didn't "argue" the issue in front of them.

Hey Dad, modest enough?

When Jessica was growing up, we both thought it was important and appropriate that she dress modestly. When she was in her teens, this sometimes became a source of disagreement between parents and child. In this regard, Carol was a bit more strict than I was. Carol acknowledged, as Jessica became an older teen, that she was probably too strict and so she decided that Dad would be the one to decide if an outfit was appropriate. When they would go shopping for clothes, Carol would agree that Jessica could buy something even if she thought it was too tight, too short or too revealing with the understanding that Dad would have to agree that the clothes were OK in order to not have to return them. Usually, Jessica would just put it back if Mom disagreed with her choice. But sometimes Jessica would appeal to Dad.

One time, Jessica had tried to convince Carol that a certain blouse she wanted (or top? I don't know the lingo for girl clothes) was not too low cut. Carol didn't like the particular top because she thought it was too revealing. But, the deal was she could bring it home and show it to Dad.

not sure why I added this picture

When they got home, I heard about the garment in question. So, I asked Jessica to put it on so I could see. She came back into the room and the blouse did appear to me to be a little too low cut and told her so. Jessica thought I was crazy...it wasn't any lower cut than what she wore to church the previous Sunday, she said. I told her that she was just wrong about that. What she wore on Sunday was just fine but this new top was too low. The argument continued. So I said we would solve this once and for all. I got a ballpoint pen and drew a dot on her chest at the lowest point revealed by the blouse. Then I told her to put on what she had worn on Sunday. While she was away, I confidently told Carol that we would not be able to see the dot because the Sunday blouse would cover it up since that top was not as low cut.

Jessica returned into the room after her wardrobe change and to our amazement, there was the dot I drew clearly visible a good 1/4 inch above the lowest point of the "acceptable" blouse. Carol even verified that Jessica hadn't drawn a 2nd dot just to fake us out. Nope...same dot I drew.

All I could say was "you are right...I was wrong...you can keep the blouse."

Jessica walked away with a broad smile on her face because Daddy had admitted he was wrong (I am wrong a lot...admitting it...well, that's another matter.) But you know, admitting when you are wrong is not always easy or fun but we really shouldn't be so stubborn about it...even if that admission is to one of our children. Or maybe I should say especially if it is to one of our children.