Given my current situation, which most people that have been reading my blog know, this action on my part might seem a bit odd. And maybe it is. I haven't needed a passport since Carol, our son, and I went to Korea exactly 13 years ago to visit our daughter and her husband, who was stationed over there.
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| she had a blast |
Two months after Carol's dementia diagnosis in 2016, I took her to Niagara Falls (on her bucket list) and New England. We did walk over into Canada one of the days we were there but it didn't require a passport going in either direction. (This was before Canada was our 51st state.) I've not left the country in almost 9 years. It's an accomplishment now if I leave the house.
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| Rainbow Bridge US-Canada |
You may have noticed the title of this blog does not say "I renewed my passport." That's because you only have up to 5 years after your 10 year passport expires to renew it. I've waited too long. I had to walk into a Post Office like I was getting my very first passport. (My expired passport was adequate proof of my citizenship though... my birth certificate was unnecessary.) By the way, why do so many cities' main US Post Office buildings feel like you are stepping back in time to 1979 when you enter? Except for the computers and electronic payment stuff they have at each station and no FBI pictures of the Unabomber on the wall, it still looks and feels like a bygone era in there. That said, the guy that handled my application could not have been any nicer. It was a painless experience.
So, sometime before college football season resumes, I should see a new passport come in the mail.
So then what?
I don't know.
I'm not sure that I can really articulate this. For me, the passport represents something. Sure, it documents that I am a citizen of the United States of America. And that's a pretty big deal. But, it is more than that. A valid US passport represents the freedom to travel to foreign lands and to be welcomed back on return. It says, no matter where I go, I can return home.
But, even more important than that, it is the idea of being able to go in the first place that is invigorating to my soul. (cue Mel Gibson shouting, "FREEDOM!")
The season that I am in right now is not a season of "go." It's not a season of getting out into the world and enjoying what it has to offer. This current season says, "stay." And it is with genuine cheerfulness and a profound sense of purpose that I do that because it is the right and necessary thing to do. And I do it because of love. I do confess though that I have to instruct the wanderlust creature inside of me to settle down... and wait. But it's often like I have a pestering back seat passenger nagging me with refrains of, "are we there yet?" I'm truly confessing here.
There will be a new season one day and I really don't know what that season will look like. I mean, how could I? I simultaneously yearn for it and absolutely dread the thought of it. That's an acutely strange place to be.
I don't know what tomorrow holds so I surely don't know what the next season does. My hands are full with today. But, whatever comes next, I probably shouldn't stagger into it as if I'm a deer staring into headlights. That's why I need my precious blue and gold permission slip that whispers, "it's OK... if you feel you need to go... then go."
One day.
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