Is It Still Christmas If I Don't Decorate?

Carol was always the one that made the house look so nice for Christmas. The only real question was what day on the calendar was it appropriate to start decorating and putting up the Christmas tree. I was always in the camp of waiting at least until after we celebrated Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. But the pull was always strong to decorate earlier as we fell deeper and deeper into the trappings of the advertisers, retailers, and Hallmark, who begin their Yuletide barrage even before Halloween (did I just say that out loud?) Or maybe it is just that Carol loved to get the house all dressed up for Christmas and the earlier the better. I never put up much of a fuss though. No need. I knew who the Christmas boss was.

This will be our 9th Christmas in Dementialand. In the first few years after her diagnosis, Carol was still able to do her thing as far as Christmas decorating goes. One of the many things (and favorite things of mine) she used to do was display, all around the house, the many different nativities we had acquired. We had several. Over the years I tried to find new ones in my/ our travels. We had nativities from Israel, Italy, Brazil, Panama, and Ecuador, among others places. Some were full manger scenes, some were just a piece or three.

                  

As the years went by, the responsibility fell to me to do the Christmas decorating. Trust me, you don't want me doing your Christmas decorating. I have no talent for it. But I've tried, at least, to put up our little pencil tree with a few ornaments and some other sparse decorations here and there.

This year has been different. This year I've done nothing. Our kids and grandkids are coming to spend Christmas with us (this is "our" year for Christmas; last year was our year for Thanksgiving.) Our family won't be here for Christmas day though. They will do Christmas morning at their own homes with their kids. As it should be. Kids and grandkids arrive a day or two after Christmas.

But, Carol doesn't even know it is December, much less soon-to-be-Christmas. So, I have done zero decorating this year. It's not because I'm lazy or depressed or anything. It just seems... unnecessary. I've been focused on other things. Of course, I have presents for all four grandkids and they will tear into them when they all get here. And we will feast on a great meal together Saturday. And we will rejoice!

So, is it still Christmas if I don't decorate? I guess that depends on what the holiday means.

Jesus Christ is still Emmanuel... God with us. And we will still celebrate the gift that God gave all of us over 2,000 years ago. I'm pretty sure that God is more concerned with what is in my heart than what is under (or on) my roof.

Christmas isn't Christmas because of anything I do. Or you do. Christmas is Christmas because of what God has done. Jesus is all the adornment we could ever need.

The answer is yes.

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Hurricane, Hospital, and Hospice

• It wasn't supposed to hit here.
• An ambulance ride was not in our plans.
• We were supposed to finish our working careers, retire, spend some time traveling, and visit our grandchildren as often as their parents would allow us to. 

Are you a planner? Maybe you are one of those people that has a to-do list, sticks tightly to a budget, has/had a 5, 10, 25, and/or 50 year financial plan. You prepare daily itineraries way in advance, broken down to the hour, whenever you go on vacation. I've never been a person disciplined enough to do all that. At least not to the degree that people that have "planner" in their job titles recommend that you do.

The hurricane:

It wasn't supposed to hit here. When I went to bed after watching the Weather Channel's coverage of Hurricane Helene, I was concerned for the friends and the family of family that live in and around Atlanta. We live 150 miles east of downtown Atlanta. We really had nothing to be concerned about except more rain that would be dumped on top of the excessive rainfall that we had already experienced that week. But, around 3:30am, I was awakened to discover that the hurricane not only didn't go to Atlanta; I realized it had come our way and was making a direct hit on our area. By later that morning it was clear that our whole area was devastated by wind speeds upwards of 100 mph.. Everyone lost power. Some lost water, some lost cell service, some lost lots of trees, some lost their roofs and cars. Some lost their whole house. Some lost their lives. We were fortunate. No home damage. After 3 days with no power and temperatures climbing into the very uncomfortable range with no prospect of power being restored anytime soon, I decided that we needed to evacuate. Our daughter and her family live in Mobile, AL. That's where we were going to go.

I hadn't planned having to evacuate from a hurricane's aftermath living this far from the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean.

The hospital:

I knew that a 7-8 hour drive was going to take some toll on Carol. Traveling is difficult for her these days. But, I knew, once we got to Mobile, that some normalcy would be restored. Electricity, air conditioning, fresh food in a working refrigerator, hot water for bathing, loving family around us. Our son and his family's situation in Asheville, NC was even more dire. The massive flooding tried to wash away the entirety of Western NC. And much of it was washed away. And a lot of people died. They decided that they too needed to evacuate to Mobile. They were going to arrive the day after we did. I was excited for the opportunity to have all of our little family together. That was the plan.

I didn't expect to have to call 911. I knew 24 hours after we arrived that something was very wrong. Carol was listless and, by late afternoon, wasn't able to even stand with help. So, I called 911. The paramedics arrived around 6:30pm and in short order got her to the Emergency Room. I arrived there shortly after the ambulance and took care of all the registration requirements. It was almost an hour before they finally escorted me to the ER room where she was. After blood work and CT scans and who knows what else, they suspected that she had a nasty blood infection. Emergency Rooms have to triage patients in order to prioritize their resources and activity. People that have life-threatening issues take priority for understandable reasons. I've told people that unless you've been shot, stabbed, or have overdosed, the ER at nighttime is no place to be. But here we were.

At 3am they finally moved her up 11 floors to a room.

I hadn't planned for her (and me) to spend the next 13 days in the hospital. We were supposed to be enjoying our hurricane evacuation and our family mini-reunion.

Hospice:

The plan prior to her hospital discharge was for her to spend a week or two or three in a rehab facility to get some PT to help her regain her mobility and strength. And maybe gain back some of the 10 lbs. she lost. I even filled out all the paperwork at a rehab/ nursing home in Mobile. It was the best of the very few places that even had a bed available. But, as the discharge day approached, I was nagged by the thought that this was not what I needed to do. I had reservations about the facility, despite all appearances during my tour, that it seemed... adequate. I prayed for discernment to make the best decision for Carol. The day prior to discharge, I advised the hospital that we were not, in fact, going to discharge her to rehab; we were going to discharge her to my car. And I was immediately going to drive her home where she belonged. (By then, the power at our home had been restored.)

Once home and after a follow up visit with her primary care physician, we decided, given where she was in her dementia progression, it was time to bring in hospice to help me care for her.

I think planning is a good and appropriate thing for responsible adults to do. But, as we all know, our ability to plan for things in ways that give us confidence that we have control over outcomes often leaves us... disappointed. Or worse.

I certainly never planned to be hit by a hurricane. Nor did I plan for a 2-week hospital stay. I also didn't plan to need hospice care for the love of my life... at least not right now.

We had planned (maybe dreamed is the appropriate word) that our retirement years would look very different than they have actually looked. But, life happens. Priorities change. And plans change. So many of you that are reading this understand because you have had your own change-of-plan experiences that have rocked you to your core.

When we can't control, we are required to trust. So that's what I do. It is what God wants me to do.

But I also give thanks. My life with Carol has been a blessing beyond my wildest plans and dreams.

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