Marriage

The Republican primary season is in full swing and the various candidates are employing their strategies to win the nomination of their party. Some seem to be focused on courting the more conservative party voters while others seem to be trying to attract the more moderate voters and independents.

Rick Santorum has clearly been one of the more outspoken candidates when it comes to social issues. He is currently in New Hampshire and, at a meeting on Friday, he addressed issues with college students in Durham, NH. One of the topics was same-sex marriage. His position that marriage should only be between a man and a woman was met with heckling and disdain. Many of these college students disagreed with him and Rick Santorum is clearly not a favorite among gays.

So, what is the correct answer? Today, some states (including New Hampshire) allow same sex couples to marry. (By the way, New Hampshire's state motto is "Live Free or Die") Other states allow something called civil unions...not exactly the same thing as marriage, but close. In most states, any type of legal union between same sex partners is not allowed. Certainly people that are married are provided certain rights and benefits that non-married people are not afforded. Some believe that by not allowing same-sex partners to enter into this legal status, they are being discriminated against relative to these benefits. My understanding is that states that allow for civil unions effectively provide many of these benefits through this alternative arrangement while falling short of calling it marriage.

Marriage has traditionally been both a religious status and a legal status. The majority of marriage ceremonies are held in houses of worship officiated by the "clergy" of that particular religion. But people can also be legally married by various public officials like judges, justices of the peace (and even ship captains!) To be legally married in the US, one is not required to participate in any religious ceremony, only one that is legal.

So, can marriage be simply a legal status? Right or wrong, in the US, the obvious answer is yes. So, marriage has been defined, by precedence and practice, as a legal status granted by governing authorities. As long as that is the case, laws will ultimately have to be based upon considerations that do not necessarily involve any religious influence. That does not suggest that moral considerations are not considered but, many, if not most, "moral" norms are traced back to some religious teaching so, we keep coming back to the influence of religious teachings.

So, we have a societal dilemma. Homosexual people are going to have relationships with their partners regardless of any laws that are passed. And these partners are going to live together because there will be no laws passed forbidding this, and, even if there were, laws like that could never realistically be enforced. There are other marriage related laws...laws forbidding polygamy, laws preventing certain family members from marrying, laws with regards to age of consent and probably several others.

I think one of the major issues has to do with the very meaning of the word "marriage." That word has traditionally denoted the strongest identification of the joining of a man and woman in relationship. Nobody has ever asked me how long Carol and I have been "unioned." I think that many gay couples' primary desire is to secure all of the legal benefits and acknowledgement that a legal "joining" affords. But I also believe that most gay couples desire their relationship to be acknowledged by society as equally legitimate and acceptable as that of any heterosexual marriage relationship. Many heterosexuals have a problem with that because most people in the US see it as a moral/ religious issue. But, our government doesn't look at marriage as a strictly religious status, it is a civil, legal status. People of faith generally view marriage as something much more significant than a legal contract...it is something ordained by God. Unfortunately, the divorce rate of these marriages mirrors that of secular marriages. (Maybe a bigger problem is man/woman marriage...but that is a subject for a different blog.)

So, when it comes to this marriage issue, what is the right and best thing to do? Hmmm, is that one question or two? You tell me.

In the meantime, can we agree that we will treat all people with respect regardless of which "H" word they identify with? At the end of the day, we are all just people, loved equally by our Maker.