I don't mean to be indelicate but...

Best bathrooms on the interstate? I think not.

I took a short road trip this afternoon to drive my wife to her sister's. Actually her sister and her husband drove as well and we sorta met in the middle. I-77 Exit 77...Waffle House rendezvous and prisoner swap.

Carol and I arrived a little before her sister so we went in, sat down and ordered coffee. Sister/brother-in-law arrived and we chatted a little, finished our coffee and decided to use "the facilities" before each of us got back on the road.

OK, what do you call it? Restroom? You know, there are many names used to describe that place where we all go to....well....to go. You may refer to it as....bathroom, toilet, little girl's/boy's room, water closet, head, john, privy, powder room (in Waffle House?...yeah right), latrine, dunny, loo, lavatory, washroom.... There are, of course, other names as well but let's keep it to the less coarse names for now. By the way, Sir Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) did NOT invent the toilet, although he was awarded three patents that were associated with improvements to the flushing water closet. Trying to keep this educational.

My visit to the special place was not a pleasant one. First, the room was disgustingly unclean...even for a public restroom. Fortunate for me I am a guy so the degree of "facility utilization and interface" was significantly less involved than if I had been a female (thank the Lord.) Let me just say that in my travels to various places around the world the single greatest difference I experienced relative to the comforts of the US are the "facilities." Notice I didn't say "toilet" because that would imply that there was one. In some countries this just isn't the case. I don't mean to be crude but some places in South America and China where I traveled were so disgusting and crude I'm not even going to describe it. Let's just say that I will never wear nice shoes (or pants with cuffs falling below my ankle bone) to those countries ever again. So, my criticism of the WaHo bathroom is a relative thing.

don't touch...ever

It actually was a bit on the humorous side. Before I get to the humor part... there was a device on the floor that was made of a wood handle and a rubber apparatus on the end...you know what I'm talking about. Does anyone think that even if I found myself in a situation where I might need to use that "tool" for some emergency drainage relief that I would? I mean, I love Waffle House and all but I am not reaching my hand down and grasping that thing. Just looking at it probably will give you typhoid or cholera or something. In the event of a "situation"...I'm outta there...just being honest here. Did you know that even at 5 foot 6, and in my mid-fifties, I can still get my left foot up high enough, maintain balance like a Russian gymnast, and hit the flush handle? Does anyone actually use their hand to do that? The thought of that just made a little vomit rise up in my throat. So, you can bet the "tool" will never be touched by these human hands. I don't even like touching the one we have at home for goodness sakes.

Bradley Model 2875-28 ..also available in white

Oh, the funny part. After washing my hands in scalding hot water with that fragrant industrial-strength, pink, liquid soap, I turned to grab a paper towel. Rats! WaHo has gone paperless! Then I saw the Bradley, gleaming chrome, 150mph blow dryer on the wall. From personal experience, I would have more luck hitting red 27 on the roulette wheel than finding a dryer that is actually functional. But today is my lucky day. I hit the button with my right elbow and it roars to life. I'm in business. What I failed to notice, however, was that the standard kitchen height waste basket was directly under the dryer...directly under the stream of jet engine thrust air. As air reached bottom of said trash receptacle, contents of trash receptacle moved...toilet paper, the brown cardboard "thingies" that you finally get down to when the TP rolls are all gone (much like the tootsie roll in the middle of the tootsie roll pop but only much different) Sorry...

tornadic action... it's no different

The contents took to flight when lifted high on the jet stream. Fortunately, the flying objects were relatively harmless and dry and "clean" so, despite my inability to dodge the debris, I came away unscathed.

You know life is a series of surprises...one after another. But there are some things we experience in life that shouldn't really surprise us. The restroom (that's hilarious...really? a place of rest?) of your neighborhood Waffle House should not be a surprise to me anymore. But occasionally it still is.

I'm still trying to get my wife to tell me what she means by "hovering" ...but I guess that will have to wait until a later blog.