Who the heck is Max Factor?

The daily ritual

Let me just say from the outset...this blog post is going to get me into big trouble. But I am a dashing and daring man who is not afraid to throw caution to the wind so...here goes.

This is an open letter to all the women of the world. But first, let me recall a story. Many years ago my wife Carol and I were driving to Atlanta for a weekend getaway. Somehow the topic of make-up/ cosmetics came up. For the life of me I can't imagine how it "came up"...but, it did. I asked Carol why women wore make-up... it's time consuming to apply, it is expensive (worldwide cosmetics sales are over $170 billion dollars per year) and, in my view, unnecessary. She argued that men would not find women attractive without make-up or that many woman who are not "natural" beauties, need to wear make-up to improve their appearance. I asked "improve their appearance in whose eyes?" She said...men. I said she was wrong. See, I think women wear make-up primarily because they compare themselves to other women. They have convinced themselves that they must wear make-up to be "attractive." I told her that I thought she was attractive without make-up. She looked at me like I had two heads and accused me of lying. Lying? Why the heck would I lie about that?

But, you see, I think women are beautiful or, are at least seen as beautiful by the men and families who love them...(make-up not required.) This "discussion" we had lasted for nearly an hour and the more I talked the more angry she became with me. I'm not sure why she was angry when I was telling her that I thought she was beautiful just the way she was. I also said that if someone could convince all women to stop wearing all make-up for two weeks, by the end of that two weeks no one would care anymore that women had stopped wearing make-up. You see for this to work...EVERY woman would have to agree to stop. No cheaters. Again, she looked at me like I was crazy.

Men don't wear make-up (most men at least.) How can women bear to look at us? I mean, it's just us and our plain faces. I think the cosmetics industry has done an amazing job of convincing women that they are not attractive enough. That's just a big fat lie.

Max Factor began his career in the film industry in the early 1900's. Stage actors had been wearing grease paint for years but the film industry required something not as heavy or thick. Max Factor ultimately produced creams in various shades for actors and actresses to wear. We, of course, know where those early beginnings eventually led. And the more well to do people have been using various forms of face paint, lip coloring for thousands of years. I know, I know...it's been around since Cleopatra. I saw how Elizabeth Taylor was made up.

But, I still don't understand it. One of Carol's arguments for make-up was that her eyes seemed to be more sensitive to light if she wasn't wearing mascara. I think she was actually on to something there. You know how baseball and football players will put the black stuff under their eyes? It's to absorb the light shining near their eyes...it cuts down on the glare.

So, I guess mascara can have the same effect. OK...she scored one point. But I was still getting hammered because I think she thought I was just teasing her. I wasn't.

So...am I full of you-know-what, or not? Hold that thought.

Let me get something else off my chest. First, I will admit that I think Angelina Jolie is a very attractive woman...one reason being her very full lips. (Carol thinks I am crazy on this point as well.) But, that's not the point. What is it with women injecting stuff into their lips to make them look plumper (if that's a word?) Every actress whose before and after pictures I have seen that has "enhanced" her lips looks so much worse afterwards. Every one. What's that all about? I know there are other "enhancements" out there as well. We'll let that lie for now.

I love the line in "Mrs. Doubtfire" when the old bus driver is hitting on Robin Williams' cross-dressed character who inadvertently reveals some hairy male leg despite being fully decked out like an old woman. The bus driver never misses a beat. He says "Oh, I like that Mediterranean look in a lady...healthy...natural...just the way God made ya."

So...that's my line to all the woman out there...you are beautiful. Because that's the way God made ya. No need for Max.