Today my wife and I drove down to Florida taking mostly back roads through south central Georgia. We must have passed 100 churches before we hit the Florida line. It was interesting to me to see all of the various church names. Do you ever wonder how churches decide what to call themselves? And do you think that the name of a church can possibly tell us something about the people that attend it?
So, I thought I'd take a stab at describing the folks that attend various churches. I'm a Baptist so, we'll pick on the Baptists here.
Of course there is always the First Baptist Church of __________. Someone has to be first, right? You have to wonder about these folks. High achievers, most likely to succeed types, I would guess. Gotta win at Scrabble or Hearts. And they could possibly be the oldest Baptists in town. Just how did they know that they were THE first Baptist church in their town? There might be some false advertising going on here.
Then there is the Second Baptist Church of ___________. I kinda feel sorry for these folks. Their building contractor obviously didn't get their building up in time to claim that "first" designation. Maybe these folks are also the ones that never received a blue ribbon or a gold star. Nope... red ribbon and silver stars for these poor underachievers. But every Second Baptist church has something in common. When it comes to the flooring choices they all have a runner up the center aisle. Give it a second... you'll get it (I hope.)
I think I may have passed a St. Mary's Baptist Church. These must be believers that are keeping their options open.... just in case Luther got some of it wrong with those 95 theses. They aren't taking any chances.
How about Third Street Baptist Church? You can tell right away that this is a church that isn't going anywhere. No, I mean they aren't going anywhere...they're stuck on Third Street... if they ever moved they'd have to change their name. I'd say these folks are pretty well grounded and know exactly where they stand.
I'm sure I passed a Living Water Baptist Church. I can tell just from the name that these folks are not a whole lot of fun... not the partying type. They certainly don't drink because, after all, they are no longer thirsty.
Full Gospel Baptist Church. These are folks that do not mind getting out of church well after 12:00. I know this because there is no way their preacher can deliver a sermon in only 20 minutes. After all, he is preaching the full gospel. It takes a while.
Free Will Baptist Church is another one I passed, I think. This church might include people that told their parents growing up, "you're not the boss of me." Rumor has it you can sometimes hear folks talk back to the preacher during his sermon with things like "you can't make me" or "I'll take that under advisement."
I may have passed a Free Willy Baptist Church. This church is quite different from the previous one mentioned. This church is very active in missions work primarily in coastal areas.
I even passed a church named Primera Iglesia Bautista Hispana. I hear that this church is one of the fastest growing churches in Georgia. Even if you don't understand Spanish, this church is one that you should definitely consider. While most churches serve an evening supper on Wednesday night, this church has theirs on Tuesdays. Reservations are not required however, they request that you let them know in advance whether you want hard or soft.
I really appreciate the small rural churches that name their church simply after their town.... like East Overshoe Baptist Church. That way, as I pass by I don't have to look to see if they have a phone booth sized post office with the town name on it so I can confirm that I am still on the right road. It's like church GPS.
I am pretty sure that I passed Little Hope Baptist Church. Really? Didn't anyone step back from the sign and say, "we may need to rethink that one?"
Forgive my stupid humor. After driving for 8 hours, I'm a bit goofy. No disrespect meant.
