Seriously describing something as life changing typically suggests something significant. And it's not always something positive. The death of a spouse, child, or other close person in your life can certainly have that effect too. So when I say that something "changed my life" I am not using the more flippant version of that term.
February 9th- 41 years ago Carol and I were married. Nothing fancy about the ceremony. We did get dressed up a bit. But, short of getting married in front of a justice of the peace, it was as simple as a wedding could be... we were married by her former youth minister in my future in-laws' living room with barely enough people there to field a baseball team. But, the unadorned nature of the occasion did not, in any way, diminish the seriousness and holiness of the moment.
Almost six years earlier, in my fancy, rented tuxedo, I had recited vows to a different woman in front of an adorned church full of people. That marriage should have "changed my life." But it didn't. And it didn't change hers either. Maybe that is why, four years later, that marriage failed. And I felt like a failure. And a promise breaker, regardless of the fact that I didn't want the divorce. But, there is truth in the words in Bonnie Raitt's 1990 recording:
"I can't make you love me if you don't. I can't make your heart feel something it won't."
I painfully learned that truth ten years before Michael Reid and James Shamblin ever wrote those lyrics.
But, a little over two years later, I met Carol with marriage being the furthest thing from my mind. I was enjoying (for the most part) living the life of a bachelor. But, while I was stubbornly having a very good time, looking back, it's obvious that I wasn't being a very good version of me.
But, marrying Carol just a short five months after our first date, changed my life. Maybe she saw potential in what was a pretty broken person. (Then again, maybe I had just totally faked her out.) Regardless, because of the person she is, she allowed me to see that there was a much better version of me possible. She was patient with my insecurities. She was the encouragement that I sorely needed. She was steadfast in her faith which was truly my first best glimpse of Jesus. (That's a life changing story for another day.) Her example; how she loved, how she cared, and how she treated others was inspiring to me. I saw in her the kind of person I hoped I could be one day. And I wanted to be the husband she deserved.
She changed my heart.
I'm not suggesting that Carol is perfect. But she was (and is) perfect for me. I got a lot of things wrong in our early years (hmmmm and maybe a few of those middle ones too.) But we persevered. We hung in there through some difficult times and there was no shortage of them back then and even now. And during and through all of that, having Carol as my wife changed my life. And it was a life that needed changing. I think maybe all of us need some life changing; otherwise, how do we ever grow? Having our two beautiful children was another life changing experience; but, that too is a blog for another day.
This one's about Carol.
So here we are... 41 years later. Neither of us the same people we were in 1983. We became better versions of ourselves, I think.
I'm pretty confident marriage is supposed to be life changing. I'm grateful that it was and is for me.
Happy anniversary sweetie. I love you forever.
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| Us... over the years |
"I Can't Make You Love Me"
Writers: James Allen Shamblin, Michael Barry Reid
Publisher: AMPLIFIED ADMINISTRATION, Universal Music Publishing Group
Publisher: AMPLIFIED ADMINISTRATION, Universal Music Publishing Group
