I Hope You Learned Your Lesson

There are so many things that my parents and grandparents used to say to us as children. Looking back as an adult, I can now laugh about many of them. "Don't make me pull this car over." "Well, you should have thought about that before you did it." "If you don't stop that right now I'll really give you something to cry about." OK, maybe that last one still isn't funny.

Parenting styles have certainly changed over the 64 years I've been alive. Since I already have to see far too many of the "When I was growing up..." memes and comments by people of my generation on social media meant to somehow criticize the parents of today, I won't even go there.

Yesterday afternoon I drove to Home Depot to pick up some bags of mulch when, out of nowhere, I thought about an incident from my childhood (that frankly had nothing to do with lumber, hardware, or mulch.) I have no idea how or why it popped into my head. But it did.

My parents got divorced when I was very young and my mom, my older brother, younger sister, and I eventually moved in with my grandmother. Her name was Gertrude but we simply called her Gram. She was the most influential adult in my life until she passed away in 1985. I adored her and the very idea that I would ever disappoint her hurt far more than any spanking I ever received from her (and I received my share... she was old school when it came to discipline.)

1960s Central Square Keene, NH

The New Hampshire town where I grew up was a small city and, in the late 1950's and early 1960's, most kids I knew were pretty much free range kids endlessly playing outside and riding our bikes. There was an understood territory beyond which I wasn't supposed to wander. No particular reason other than to keep us from getting too far from the house. That being the case, most of my closest play friends lived within about a half mile radius from our house.

My best friend's name was Ronnie and he lived on the street behind ours; the same cul-de-sac type street (we just called it a dead end) as the Batchelor family. The Batchelors had a son who was my older brother's age and a daughter named Jane... we all called her Janie. I'm not really sure how old Janie was at the time. I guess I always thought she was about the same age as we were since she played outside with us just about every day. But, reflecting years later, I'm sure that Janie may have actually been a young adult at the time. She was bigger than the rest of us, wore very thick glasses, always wore a dress and "street shoes," and, when outside, she always seemed to be riding her adult-sized tricycle. We knew that Janie was what we now describe as intellectually disabled. From my earliest recollection, my grandmother told us in no uncertain terms that we were to play with her and treat her kindly and to never make fun of her. But, Janie could get very bossy and would sometimes say some strange things with a voice that sounded different and not as clear as ours.

One day, I got so frustrated with Janie that I said something to her that was just mean and hurtful and she started crying and went inside her house. I'm not exactly sure how my grandmother found out about it, but she found out that very same day.

I had never seen my grandmother so angry. I had broken a cardinal rule of behavior that I knew better than to ever do. I don't really remember if there was any corporal punishment involved. What I do remember though (aside from her initial anger) was the look and posture of complete disappointment that she displayed when she confronted me. She proceeded to give me a lecture about what I had done and how terribly wrong it was. The more she talked, the more my heart was pierced with shame and guilt. I cried myself to sleep that night and, early the next day, I promptly went over to Janie's house (she was outside on her bike) and I apologized to her which made me cry again. And I remember the only thing Janie said was "don't ever do that again." And from then on we continued to be friends playing in the street until we moved away a few years later.

Another thing our parents and grandparents would say after we did something wrong like touching a hot stove or some other dumb kid thing was... "I hope you learned your lesson." That day, on a street named Boston Place, in Keene, NH, I learned a lesson that I have never forgotten.

Why Georgia?

Greetings from Georgia

About a year and a half ago I wrote a blog titled Why Florida? (link) Six months earlier, we had packed up everything we owned, loaded a truck (or 2) and trekked 400 miles south, rented a house, and became residents of Florida. About six months later, we sold our old house in Georgia. Carol had moved away from the only town she had ever really lived and, that I had lived for over 45 years (you can read the blog I linked above to to see why we moved.)

But the main reason why we moved to Florida has now changed. Because Florida wasn't ever going to be our permanent home, we had to make a decision of where we would live next. We are blessed to both be retired and honestly, we can choose to live anywhere we want. But, no matter where we live, we need it to be a place that can be "home." Back in 2012, when our daughter and son-in law were living in Korea, I wrote a blog titled Where's Home? (link) While the idea of moving to some exotic place sounds tempting... the beach, the mountains... some foreign country (I loved the idea of living in Ecuador,) the truth is, no matter where you live, you still have to wake up on Tuesday morning and live your life. In most cases, people choose where to live, during their working years, by where the job takes them. When that is not an issue, what is the appropriate criteria of where to live?

So many beautiful places in America

Based on my own travel experiences, if I wanted to live where the overall weather was great, I'd live in San Diego. If scenic beauty was the priority, I might move to Breckenridge, or Sedona, or Bar Harbor, or Naples, or... (honestly, there are way too many to list.) If I wanted to live where the overall surroundings and lifestyle are appealing, I'd live in Blowing Rock, or Asheville, or Charleston, or Knoxville, or Chattanooga. If I wanted to live in a place that is vibrant, I'd live in Nashville, or Athens, GA (or most any SEC college town for that matter... but not Gainesville...can't live in Gator country.) There are so many places where I have loved spending time... San Francisco, Chicago, Boston, New Orleans, but... I wouldn't want to live there.

We have two beautiful grandchildren. We loved living near them when they were here in Florida. But, they are now in NE North Carolina. We could always move there and remain just a few minutes away. That idea was very, very tempting. But, just like our last move, we didn't know a soul (except our kids and grandkids) here in Florida, and we wouldn't know a soul in Moyock, NC.

So, we've decided, despite the difficulty of the decision, that it is time to go "home" ...back to the area where we previously lived. In 2016, Carol was diagnosed with some memory related challenges (although she is still doing remarkably well.) My first priority was and is to do what is best for her. Our son lives in Augusta and will be getting married in November. We'd like to be nearby as he and our daughter-in-law embark on the beginning of their married life. We have a church in Augusta that we have been a part of since 1984. We have all of Carol's doctors in Augusta. Carol's sister and her husband are nearby. And there are some other important people in Augusta. As her husband, I can serve in many capacities for her... but there is one thing I cannot be...her girlfriend. She (and I) have some very special people in our life that, for decades, we have called friends. I think it is important for Carol to have her girlfriends nearby. I mean, she needs someone to whom she can complain about her husband!!

HaRVy- our 38 foot home on wheels, pulling Dolly and Taurus

If you follow or occasionally read my blogs, you know that we purchased a motorhome. Our daughter, son-in-law, and grandkids live 450 miles away from Augusta. Since traveling has become more difficult for Carol, we discovered that traveling by motorhome, allowing her to wake up in familiar surroundings (albeit smaller,) makes it easy for us to visit and spend time away from where our house is.

So, while we are now officially renters in Evans, GA... we will keep our motorhome HaRVy busy as he takes us to reuinite with our other family members and with friends as often as I can afford to put gas in him.

Where we belong

Why Georgia? Well, it just seemed like that is where we are supposed to be.

Ignore It and It Will Go Away

You've heard people say this haven't you? Maybe it is something irritable that is bugging you and a friend tells you to just ignore it... says it will resolve itself on its own.

I remember seeing a billboard advertisement for a dentistry practice many years ago that said, "Ignore Your Teeth! (And They Will Go Away")

Last week was my birthday. Always thankful when the ol' life odometer flips to the next number. But it wasn't a very happy birthday. A couple of days beforehand, I started having severe pain in one of my teeth. And since it happened to be a tooth that had previously been crowned, I knew this was probably not going to end well... likely I was going to need either a root canal or, heaven forbid, an extraction. That back molar had cracked several years before and I apparently waited too long to have it crowned. When the dentist removed the crown and drilled down to verify the condition of the tooth and begin the process for the root canal, it turned out that the crack was pretty significant and the whole tooth was nearly split down the middle.

In 2009, I was fortunate to go on my 2nd mission trip to Ecuador. This trip was a medical mission trip and a few of us non-medical folks were there to assist the physician, nurses, clinicians, pharmacist, and the one dentist on the team. Turns out, I was assigned to help Dr. Rhoda Sword, our dentist.

The instruments

One of many teeth Dr. Sword extracted

Oh, she didn't let me anywhere near a patient's mouth... our job was to assist with setting up the trays of instruments,  supplies, etc., hold the light, and to clean and sterilize the multiple sets of instruments afterwards. It was fascinating to help and observe. Being in the remote areas of Ecuador, the primary treatment was extraction of damaged, unhealthy teeth. The people were so thankful to finally be rid of terrible tooth pain. But after witnessing dozens of extractions and the nearly medieval looking instruments involved in the process, I made a silent wish to never have to have that done in my mouth (I was asleep during my wisdom teeth removal.)

Fast forward 6 years, which was 2 years into my retirement... January 2015 I decided to go back to work. I applied for a job at a local dental laboratory. It was a great job for a former retiree... they were looking for a delivery driver. My job was to pick up and deliver "cases" to area dentist offices. Our lab made custom titanium abutments, crowns, and bridges (and other fixed prosthodontics.) Being nearly 60 years old, I found myself immersed in a whole new world that I had nearly zero knowledge of but, I needed to learn in order to perform my job well. Dr. Geoffrey Sheen is a prosthodontist (with a full-time dental practice) and is the owner of Mustard Seed Dental Studio (a dental laboratory) which is right next door to his practice. He was my boss and is the type of boss who doesn't just operate a business, he has a teacher mindset and believes that the people who work for him need to know so much more than just performing their specific job task. He teaches. I am the curious type and was fascinated with the whole world of dentistry and the dental lab. I acquired a whole new vocabulary that I previously had no clue about. I began to understand far more about teeth and how they are restored than I ever thought I would want to know. I kept asking questions, and he kept on teaching. (By now I was no longer the delivery driver... I was in charge of production and handled much of the customer service.) Two years ago, I left my job at Mustard Seed so my wife and I could move to Florida to be near our grandchildren. But...I left with a head full of knowledge that I would have otherwise never have known had I not gone to work for Dr. Sheen, one of the most brilliant people I have ever worked for or with.

So, let's get back to my tooth. Only because of what I learned while working at the dental lab, here's what I know. The dentist told me that my #31 (2nd molar... it's a mandibular molar...meaning it is a lower molar mesial to #32 which had previously been removed because it was a wisdom tooth) needed to be extracted. He also said that a bone graft would be needed and recommended the immediate placement of a dental implant, which would later be restored with an abutment and crown. Knowing that we would be leaving Florida in a little more than 3 weeks, I was troubled that one dentist would place the implant and another dentist would be doing the rest of the work (this is not unusual however, since it is not uncommon for oral surgeons, for example, to place an implant to later be restored by a dentist.) But, I now knew a bit about implants since Dr. Sheen did this nearly every day in his prosthodontic practice and we worked with implant cases every day at the dental lab. I asked him what brand of implant was he planning to use.

osseointegration under microscope

At this point, I should explain that a titanium dental implant is a medical device that is placed into the bone of the maxilla (if an upper tooth) or the mandible (lower.) The dentist or surgeon will cut the gum to expose the bone and drill the appropriate sized hole for the specific implant being placed. Through an amazing process of the human body called osseointegration, the cells of the bone, over time, actually adhere firmly around the titanium; its almost like the implant becomes part of the bone.

There are many different designs, sizes, and brands of dental implants. Each have various characteristics that the manufacturers claim are better or more suited to particular applications. I was familiar with nearly all the leading brands as well as the various clones of the brands that were more "open source" type, if you will. What I knew was that I didn't really want one that I had never heard of or was proprietary. If proprietary, it would possibly mean that the abutment which would be delivered later to support the crown, would probably have to be a stock abutment. Custom abutments are preferred since they can be designed to more exactly fit the unique patient's need as far as size, shape, angle, emergence profile and several other benefits that I cannot remember off the top of my head. When the dentist showed me the implant in the box, I realized that it was an implant brand that I had never heard of.  So, after extracting the tooth and getting all set up to do the bone graft (to restore the bone loss) and perform the implant placement, I said that I didn't want the implant placed... only do the bone graft. (Let me say here that the dentist, who was able to see me on very short notice, was excellent, very capable, and professional.) I just knew that, in 3 weeks, I would never see him again and he used an implant brand I was totally unfamiliar with. By not immediately placing the implant, I was choosing to push out the treatment plan timetable by 4-6 months or more... meaning, I would be without a #31 tooth for that much longer. And I had something else I needed to keep in mind. When we lose a tooth, it is not uncommon for the teeth that are distal to (meaning farther from the midline, or front of your mouth) the missing tooth to move. If I had lost #30 (1st molar) instead and still had #31, #31 could actually move mesially (towards the front) and begin to move into the space left where #30 was removed. But, since it was #31 I was having extracted, I don't have a tooth behind it to move forward. So, no worries there.

But here's another fascinating thing about teeth. Even though I don't have to worry about an adjacent tooth moving into that empty spot, I still have to realize that #31 had a partner. It's the tooth above it... #2, my upper 2nd molar. It is what is called the opposing tooth. You know how it's said that it takes two to tango? It also takes two to chew. You can't clap with one hand and you can't chew without an upper and lower tooth. My upper #2 has now (temporarily) lost its partner. Yes, I can chew on my right side with my upper and lower 1st molars but, those 2nd molars, which are typically larger, do it really well. But its not just chewing. When our upper and lower teeth are in occlusion (like when our teeth are clenched) the upper and lower teeth "fit" together a certain way (although there are different "classes" of bite.) In the more common Class 1 bite, the upper teeth overlap the lower teeth slightly.

As an example, an upper #3 1st molar contacts the #30 opposing 1st molar as well as the #31 2nd molar behind #30. But, because I now have no #32 or #31, my #2 upper molar makes no contact with anything when I bite. I've now left him hanging, at least temporarily. One option is to do nothing as far as replacing my newly lost molar. I mean I still have 27 other teeth to handle all my chewing needs. But, our teeth are amazing. Because #2 now has no opposing tooth, it is possible that my now 52 year old #2 molar could start to change. Teeth that lose their opposing tooth and now have no occlusal contact in maximum intercuspation (they don't touch any opposing tooth when you bite down) can begin to grow (erupt) as if seeking out its partner. In worst cases, they can, what is called, super-erupt, which, in addition to making it longer, can also make the tooth unstable. Our jaw bones are continuously trying to push our teeth out and it is the contact with opposing teeth that keeps our teeth in the proper position... maintaining the correct occlusal plane.

super-erupted molar

Dr. Sheen has reassured me that if we get the dental implant done in a reasonable time, even though I have extended the timetable due to my being "dangerous" with my still woefully incomplete dental knowledge, I shouldn't worry about my #2 upper molar going rogue and starting to get longer.

So, if you've made it this far you are likely thinking... "doesn't Mike think he is so smart throwing around all those dental terms and trying to show how smart he thinks he is and trying to impress somebody." But, you would be wrong. If I was so smart I would have taken much better care of my teeth and wouldn't have gotten all those cavities during my younger years, leading to all those fillings which eventually led to tooth failures that led to having to need more dental work done.

Ignore your teeth. And they will go away. I once had 32 permanent teeth (4 of which were wisdom teeth which I had removed.) That left me with 28. I really had hoped to make it to heaven with all 28 of my remaining, God-given teeth. But alas... I must say goodbye to my #31... 2nd molar. But, he'll be back soon made of titanium and ceramic. I'll take better care of him this time.