We and They. Us and Them

English 101

I have never been greatly proficient in the area of English grammar and composition. If you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you already know this. I can switch tenses in the middle of a sentence faster than you would have been able to keep up. See there?

We and They. Us and Them. Do you ever struggle with proper usage of these words? We and They are generally used as subject pronouns (We went to the ballpark.... They lost the game.) Us and Them are generally object pronouns (She shared her popcorn with us.... I gave the extra tickets to them.)

We is the nominative plural of I. They is the nominative plural of he, she, and it. Us is the objective case of We. Them is the objective case of They. English grammar and composition. Boring stuff.

One of my favorite records in my music collection is the 1973 Pink Floyd album, "The Dark Side of the Moon." One of the tracks, written by Richard Wright and Roger Waters, is titled "Us and Them."


The opening lyrics say:

"Us and them. And after all, we're only ordinary men.
Me and you. God only knows it's not what we would choose to do."

The meaning of the lyrics are generally accepted to be about war. Two sides to the conflict divided as "us " and "them" when, in fact, both sides are comprised of "ordinary men." And the song eludes to the fact that no one in their right mind would ever deliberately choose war over some other remedy.

I guess it has always been Us and Them. Not just in reference to war. But also human nature.

When we say the word "us" in day-to-day conversation, we usually just mean more than one person with something in common. "Meet us for dinner at Carrabba's." (That actually sounds like a pretty good idea!) Us. You know... US!

But when we talk politically, religiously, culturally... well, then "Us" or "We" takes on a completely different meaning. Here's where we start to divide the goats from the sheep.

Have you heard this lately?

"Look what is happening to Us."
"We shouldn't have to put up with this."
"We want things to be the way they used to be. (For Us.)"
"This country belongs to Us."
"We don't believe that."

When there is an Us or a We....there is inevitably a Them or a They that is being silently referenced.

"Look at what They are doing."
"Why don't you ask Them?"
"Do you know what They believe?"
"They started it."
"They are trying to take over."

Maybe there is not a traditional war being fought right now like World War II where the good guys (Us) are fighting against the evil axis powers (Them) but... make no mistake... we are at war in the United States right now. Watch the news. Read the paper. Go on social media (it's not so "social" right now... btw)

We are at each other's throats.
The Supreme Court says that same sex couples should be allowed to marry. So it's Us and Them.
A Confederate flag was taken down in Columbia, SC. So it's more Us and Them.

You wanna pick a fight? Are you angry? At who? THEM?

Our foundational document in the Library of Congress starts with the word "We."

"We the People of the United States..." That's us. All of us.
"...in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States."

How are WE doing these days? How are YOU doing regarding these things?

a more perfect Union...(union means the state of being united)
establish Justice
domestic tranquility
promote general Welfare
secure the Blessings of Liberty

We've got way too much Us and Them right now.

Maybe we all should walk in the shoes of "Them" for a little while and see if maybe we have more important things in common than what we are disagreeing on.

Maybe we are all supposed to be Us.

I think I'll listen to my Pink Floyd album for a while.

Sadness

Memorial at Emanuel AME Church (AP Photo/David Goldman)

Paul Ekman, noted American psychologist, has described the six basic human emotions as: happiness, anger, surprise, fear, disgust and sadness. In the 1990's he added the following 11 emotions to his list: amusement, contempt, contentment, embarrassment, excitement, guilt, pride in achievement, relief, satisfaction, sensory pleasure, and shame.

When I heard what happened this past week in Charleston, SC, I, like so many of you, had an emotional reaction. My immediate feeling was surprise. My goodness, nine innocent people in a church studying the bible were gunned down and killed by a young man who had been invited into their circle. Gunned down in a church! Almost immediately I was also (and still am) overwhelmed by sadness. I cannot imagine the gut-wrenching pain that the family and friends of the victims must be experiencing. All of Charleston must be hurting. People all over America are hurting.

As I learned more about who the victims were and who the suspect was, other emotions rose up in me. Nine African Americans were killed by a young, racist white man in the southern United States. A white person was involved in perpetrating violence upon blacks in a church. Unfortunately, this is nothing new in the United States. My mind raced back to my childhood years when I read news stories of black churches being bombed and burned and people being tortured and killed at the hands of racist whites. I am a white man. Even though I cannot grasp and have never known the kind of hatred that it must take to commit such heinous acts; nevertheless, I felt and continue to feel disgust, anger, guilt and shame.

It is tempting to argue that we casual observers have no responsibility in what happened. I am not responsible for the actions of another person. Each of us must account for our own actions. I know that. But, we all contribute to the landscape of our collective environment, even if in only small and subtle ways. It's not our fault we say. We would never do that, we say. We can't do anything about that, we say.

So nothing changes.

I feel such a sadness for what is happening in my country right now. I know all the emotions I experience each day. While my life is by no means perfect, it is a pretty good life, especially when contrasted to what others in our society experience. Honestly, I am usually so focused on what is going on in my little circle, I tend to not think much about others. Or to do much for others. People struggling? It's easier to rationalize that it's their own fault. People hurting? Let someone else deal with it. It's not my responsibility.

Did I contribute to a culture and a disharmony that may have moved this very disturbed, young man over a line that no one should ever cross? I don't know. But if I have contributed in any way, I cannot apologize enough to relieve the guilt and shame that reality would generate.

Those folks in Charleston invited this young man into their circle of friendship and fellowship. Jesus knows something about people within his invited circle turning on Him. And like Jesus, this community in Charleston has demonstrated forgiveness and compassion which leads me to experience something that Paul Ekman never itemized on his list.... hope.

I want us to be better. I want to be better. I want to see as Jesus sees. I want to love as Jesus loves. Lord, help me to be more like You and less like I am right now.

You may not identify with anything I have said here so forgive me because I just needed to write it out. For me.

No Wonder They Don't Bloom

Hydrangea in full bloom

My grandmother was a gardener. Her New Hampshire back yard from late springtime until early autumn was an explosion of color and an experience in sensory overload. Some of my favorite plants were her hydrangeas. Her garden had different varieties, different sizes, and different colors. Those nearly basketball sized blue ones were probably my favorite. My interest was limited to looking and smelling...not weeding, watering, feeding or pruning. I left that to my green-thumbed grandmother.

When Carol and I moved into our current house about seven years ago there were hardly any flowering plants in our yard. Little by little she planted more and more plants including a hydrangea, which, I think, was actually a gift from a friend. It grew larger that first year but never bloomed. We figured it was just too young to bloom. "Next year it will bloom," we said.

This went on for a few years. It became obvious that we just had the bad luck of planting a defective hydrangea plant.... the non-blooming variety apparently. It was still pretty with its bright green branches and leaves, growing fuller every year... just no blue or pink or white blooms like all other non-defective hydrangeas seem to have.

I finally decided to do some research last year on why our hydrangea never bloomed. After doing some very basic study on the topic, I felt a bit foolish after discovering that we did not, in fact, own a defective hydrangea. Our hydrangea had defective owners.

Turns out that different varieties of hydrangeas set their blooms for the next (or upcoming) season differently. Without trying to sound smarter than I am on the subject, let me condense it to this- there are two basic types of hydrangea- those that bloom from "old wood" and those that bloom from "new wood." "Old wood" are the stems and branches grown the prior season. "New wood" is what you see growing in springtime all nice and green. "Old wood" in the dormant season just looks like dead sticks.

If your variety of hydrangea blooms from "old wood" you can't just prune the ugly  "dead looking" branches down to the ground at the end of the summer....that is, not if you want blooms the next year.

So, last fall I asked Carol to not cut back the hydrangeas like she had always done (just like we do with our lantana) to see if my newly found information applied to our bloom-less hydrangea.

Well, guess what?

Our previously "defective" hydrangea

This year we have blooms. LOTS of blooms.

Hydrangeas that bloom on "old wood" set their flower buds for the next year the previous summer. This includes the Mophead, Lacecap and Oakleaf varieties. Paniculates, Endless Summer Series and "Anabelle" varieties bloom from "new wood," meaning; they set their flower buds on the current season's growth.

All this hydrangea knowledge got me to thinking about how we as individuals "bloom." I think, like we saw with our hydrangea, we can sometimes get impatient and discouraged when we don't see results when we think they should come. Maybe it is someone that has struggled or worked hard or prayed and they feel like they should start to see some blooms. And when they don't they just hack everything back down to the ground believing that they are just not going to bloom.  But I think that life can be like those hydrangeas. We may go through a season of life where we believe we are doing everything we are supposed to do to "bloom." And when it doesn't happen that season we hack away... we quit a job, we end a relationship or stop trying, we give up on our teenager, we switch churches or even give up on church altogether.

Or we give up on God. "Why haven't I bloomed by now?" we cry. Maybe we just have to give it some time...let the flower buds get set... and wait for the next season. Not all hydrangeas are the same.

The blooms will come.